Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
