At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize