You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
