bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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