I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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