So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I smell stomach acid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
