I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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