oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize