And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
