i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
