so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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