yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
