I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
