It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
