i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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