I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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