Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
