I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
