I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
