I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
