people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Even my vagina gasped.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
