She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
