you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
