My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
