Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
