So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
