I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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