I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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