So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
