There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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