It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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