guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
