Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
