I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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