Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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