We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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