I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
