its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
