My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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