I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
