Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
