Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
