WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
