dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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