I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
