trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
