Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
