Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is Oprah even human
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
