i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
