Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
