Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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