I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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