he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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