I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
