drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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