You smell like a Billy Joel song
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
