she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
