ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
