Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i came on her dog
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
