that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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