Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
