i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
