Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
