So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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