He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
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You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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