just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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