i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
