You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
