We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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