Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
