I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
