there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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